Mom in Virginia Mason Hospital-the passing of a parent

Over the past year or two, my mom has been getting fevers more often and has been in more pain, and getting weaker. Usually she'll get a fever for a few days at a time. She also has not been able to handle eating much food. She'll usually wait until the end of the day to eat something. She knew it was all related to her tumors and her cancer (pancreatic neuroendocrine tumor...she was diagnosed about 10 years ago); her liver and pancreas were not functioning the way they should. 

During the first week of October, around General Conference, mom got another fever. I talk to her on the phone at least every weekend, often Sundays, and sometimes we'll text during the week. I knew she had the fever. And the next week when I tried to call, she still had it and didn't feel strong enough to talk. And the following week, week 3, she still had it, but this time she answered my call. I could tell she was not well. Her speech was slurred and weak. After I got off the phone, I contacted a few of my siblings to see if they'd been in touch with her and to let them know I was concerned. Monday the 28th, Mom's temperature dropped to 95 degrees (94 means hypothermia). She agreed at that point to allow brother Mowrey to come over the following morning and give her a blessing (she hadn't been letting people in while she was feverish). She was advised to seek out the help and expertise of her doctors. The Mowrey's took her to Evergreen hospital that day, and she was soon transferred to Virginia Mason hospital in Seattle, where she could be close to her oncologist and other specialists. Tammy Mowrey said she would stay the day with her. I didn't know about this until Wednesday morning when I spoke to Becca, who had arranged for Mowrey's to come help. Becca asked if I would go. I knew I needed to. I had cried when I talked to Scott about mom just a couple of days before, and again when I was exercising and my thoughts drifted to mom. I think the Lord was preparing me for things to come. Pepa would take work off Wednesday and stay with mom until I could arrive Thursday late afternoon(I drove, so I left Wednesday). 

Mom was jaundiced so they knew there was a blockage. They were afraid her hernia, which is the size of a cantaloupe and up against her tumor on her pancreas, might have tumors growing on it (they'd never removed the hernia because they were afraid of what the reaction would be with the cancer and tumors there that were slow growing at the time). If they found tumors on the hernia they'd need to remove it. If that kind of surgery was risky then with mom's condition, it was way more risky now.

Wednesday afternoon Scott came home from work early so we could trade cars and I drove his Corolla out to Idaho and stayed the night with Becca's family. Thursday morning I woke up early and got on the road again, heading for Seattle. The drive to Becca's is just over 5 hours, and the drive from Becca's to Seattle is about 7 1/2 hours. I drove because it was much, much cheaper($450 for a one-way ticket), but looking back, I know the Lord's hand was involved. I would need my car. And I would be very grateful for it later. 

 As my GPS was leading me through the narrow, busy, one-way streets of Seattle, I got a phone call from Charles' school. It was his math teacher. He wanted to talk. I told him now wasn't a good time as I needed to hear the navigation as I drove through Seattle looking for the hospital, but I told him if he'd text me his number, I would get back to him soon. He said he'd send me an email. Another worry added to an already stressed day. I tried not to think about it, and yet I was very aware of my phone in my pocket, waiting for a notification buzz, alerting me to a new email message. Turns out Charles had been very talkative in math and needed help refocusing on math multiple times that day. I explained to the teacher that Charles was grounded from friends that week (he'd snuck out with a neighbor to visit in the backyard and walk to walmart and make a youtube video, and so he needed to earn back our trust), and so I guessed if he was more social at school, it was related to that, as that was the only time he could talk with friends. I apologized and told him we'd talk to Charles and work out an arrangement to get him off groundation a day early if he could focus during class.

When I arrived at the hospital, Pepa left, as she works at 4am and wanted to beat rush hour traffic. Mom was in bed but doing okay, considering. She was lucid though at the same time tired and experiencing intense pain across her mid section and her back, near her liver. She was getting antibiotics, pain meds(oxycodone or dilaudid) and fluids off and on.

An MRI showed that her biliary duct was blocked, constricted by tumors, which caused a buildup of liquid which was infected, thus causing her to be sick and weak. They would do a procedure Friday morning (originally planned for Thursday but it got moved back because of other emergencies that came up...and that turned out to be a good thing because Luis didn't arrive until Friday, and Friday mom was still pretty alert and aware, even after the procedure).

Becca decided to fly in that night(wednesday), thinking the procedure would be the following morning, on Halloween. She was nervous for mom, too. We all were. I picked her up at the hospital that night, which thankfully, was only about 15 minutes away. We slept at mom's house so we could do some things around the house: fold laundry, check mail, dishes, clear out spoiled food etc. Fred flew in the next day, on Halloween, around 9am. We picked him up as well. You cannot park for free at Virginia Mason hospital. They charge up to $20/day, but sometimes you pay more if you're coming and going because there is no 'all day pass'. We tried not to drive, besides airport trips, and when we went to Fred's in-laws to sleep at night.

I often listened to a specific song by Lauren Daigle during the drive to the hospital each morning. It gave me strength, comfort and peace. Here are some of the words to Trust In You:

When You don't move the mountains
I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There's not a day ahead You have not seen
So let all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

Luis sent a message saying he'd be flying in the following afternoon, on Friday. We were in the hospital from morning until night for days, arriving before the sun was up, and leaving after it was down. We usually ate lunch out, taking a short walk to the many places that are nearby (it's super close to pike market and the water), and it was good to get some fresh air even if for a short time.

Friday morning before the procedure, while we were enroute to the hospital, Fred got a call from the GI surgeon who would be doing the procedure on mom. They would go in through her mouth and put in stents. They are the best in the world at what they do. That being said, he let Fred know that with all of mom's tumors and the hernia etc, this was very risky and he wasn't sure of the outcome. But we didn't really have other options, as she was going downhill fast. Mom went in that morning, and once we arrived at the hospital we checked in the procedure area, and they gave us a pager. We waited up in the visitors lounge on the 18th floor where she'd been staying. (As a side note, I took the stairs once a day, to keep a little physical activity going during this time and I tried to do push-ups and sit-ups or lunges at the house. I ran one morning, before I drove over to see her, while she was in the hospital. Physical activity is not only good for your body, but also for your mind and emotions, so it was important to me that I do something, however small.)

Even though we tried to stay distracted during her procedure by writing, studying (becca), and reading, that pager was like a ticking time bomb and we were all very aware of it sitting there on the end table. 

 This was our view from the family lounge area in Virginia Mason.

 Mom came out of the procedure in less than 2 hours. She was soon awake and pretty alert again. Her sister Charmaine and the girls had been stopping by to visit at the end of each day, and they came by again that evening and visited. Mom seemed to be doing okay and we were so pleased.

Mom still had trouble getting around and had been using a walker to help, so Becca and I made plans to go to her house the next day to be there when the walker I ordered arrived, to set that up, and get her bedding cleaned and the house in order for her return. We ate dinner in the hospital cafeteria(that was our routine). I branched out and ate some salmon. I'm trying to be a pescatarian...it's just hard when you don't like meat, but I'm really trying hard with fish, because Jesus ate it, so I figure I should too.

 Friday night while we were in the hospital, my family had their monthly activity night, and they went ice-skating. I was grateful to Scott for all his support and help during this time.

 Earlier that day, the girls were invited to a birthday party where they got their faces painted. I was grateful to friends and neighbors who stepped up and helped Scott out with carpool rides, and dinners. Life felt surreal during my stay at the hospital, but I was glad the family back home was continuing on in a fairly normal fashion.

 Saturday morning, we dropped Fred and Luis off at the hospital and then Becca and I drove to mom's house to get things ready for her return. We vacuumed, washed all her bedding, cleaned and put dishes away, did some laundry, cleaned spoiled food out of the fridge etc. We installed a couple handle bars to help her get up her one outside step, and we put one in the bathroom. The one in the bathroom took a lot longer than anticipated, and we called her ministering brother for help, who when we asked if he was handy, replied, "I've never been called that before," but he kindly came over and called a friend who is handy, who also came over and we eventually got it in after we also put in anchors. We ended up staying a lot longer than we'd originally planned, and Fred and Luis called us on our way out and asked to bring them dinner, so we stopped at Ivar's in town and brought them some fish and chips.

When we walked into the hospital room, we were immediately aware that things were different, and that mom had taken a drastic turn for the worse. She was pretty out of it, and when we would wake her and try to engage her, she would barely open her eyes for just a second, she'd give maybe a one word response and then she was out again. She needed help to walk with her walker, her eyes were almost always closed, and she could only go a few steps, and she was more confused and couldn't speak much. We decided to have one of us stay the night with her. We all volunteered, but we ended up letting Luis  as he is a night-time charge nurse on the weekends (teacher by day). I am so grateful we had both him and Fred(Physician's Assistant) there to help us understand everything that was going on.

Sunday mom was the same, or a little worse. She's still hooked up to IV's and antibiotics, but she's off her normal pain meds because her liver is really struggling to process anything right now. She mostly sleeps peacefully.

I had dropped Fred and Becca off at the airport so they could go home for work and school, with a promise to keep them updated on mom's condition. Luis cancelled his flight home for tomorrow, and thought he'd stay through Thursday, which is how long I thought I'd stay.

I took a walk down by the water Sunday afternoon. I cried. I talked with Scott and the kids. I cried some more. Things weren't looking good.

Mom's sister Jolene, and her husband Jeff came by Sunday night, along with Charmaine. Jolene told mom lots of stories about her recent trip to Italy where she got to meet some living relatives she'd found, cousins of theirs! Even though mom's eyes were closed, and she couldn't speak or move really, I could tell she was mostly with us as she smiled at all the right parts. She did say a couple of words and we knew she was excited about the information Jolene was sharing.

I stayed alone that night, at Fred's in-laws. I am so grateful they offered up their home to us, as it's so close to the hospital.

Monday November 4th mom could no longer be moved from her bed, and all her speech was gone. She slept non-stop except for the times every several hours when a nurse or doctor came in to do vitals etc and then she'd e in so much pain until we'd giver her more pain meds (they were quick, but even in that short amount of time, it was excruciating to watch her suffer). Doctor's took more CT scans and talked of putting in more stents with the GI team, and doing some tests with the infectious disease team, and to meet with a nuerologist.....they were grasping at straws, trying to come up with something, anything they could try. But we knew death was close at hand, and that this would cause mom more pain and suffering and she would absolutely not want this. She was ready. She knew her time was at hand and had been trying to prepare us for months. We still weren't ready to lose her, three of us are still in our thirties and would be without any parents...and mom especially! It was heartbreaking. But at the same time, we understood all she'd gone through with the cancer over the years and we loved her so much and did our best to respect her wishes. Becca and Fred came back Monday night(Fred drove, Becca flew), and we all visited together Tuesday (all 5 siblings) and decided not to do any more procedures and tests, but to just keep her comfortable and pain free. So we met with the palliative team and they said they would transfer her to Evergreen Hospice the following morning, Wednesday morning, which is where my dad passed 4 years ago, and a place of peace with a beautiful zen garden and large green trees and water, and a place she wanted to go when her time came.

We hadn't been sleeping well, we'd been getting up early each day to head to the hospital to be with mom; we all sat close and would take turns holding her hand. Wednesday morning we got text from Luis at 4:38...yes, we heard it that early in the morning and woke up. He said that her legs were mottling more (had been her feet the day before), and that it was up past her knees and he didn't know when her time was, that it could be today or tomorrow or in a few days, but that he also wasn't sure she'd make it to Evergreen hospital that morning. So Becca and I decided to pack up and drive over immediately(we packed up because we figured with mom staying at Evergreen now, her house would be closer so we'd stay there)...Fred now had his car and could meet us later.

When we got there, around 520am, her breathing was different. Quick and even. Luis had been sitting by her side, holding her hand, but he let us each take a hand and then he went and laid down on the bed near the window. We rubbed her hands and arms and told her we loved her and that we were all going to be okay, and that she could go. Fred had also given her a couple of blessings over the past couple of days, which also mentioned some of those things. At 613am on Wednesday November 6th, mom took her last breath. We called Luis over. He came quickly and then after a kiss from each of us, we called in the nurses. Mom had returned home.

Dad coaching soccer, memorized scripture, fun teens, Jane's drawings, Curiosity Museum fieldtrip

Scott coached Charles' basketball team in the Fall, and then Annabelle's indoor soccer team. They overlapped for a couple of weeks but neither league is intense, so it was fine. 

 Nora was asked to share a scripture passage in Primary at church, and she memorized and recited one of our favorites: Phillippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

During church Sunday, Jane drew a picture of all the speakers and those of us who sang in the choir. I love her drawings!

 These girls had Language Arts project where they were supposed to create a video of some sort for a book they read. They did a dance and lipsync to a rap song. I got a kick out of watching them.

 I was a chaperone on Jane's field trip. We went to the Curiosity Museum at Thanksgiving Point. I thought this bike was pretty cool. It had several buttons with various food items from carrots, to ice cream, pizza to water. You push a button and start pedaling, and on the screen will appear how many calories are in a serving, and how long you need to pedal to burn off those calories.